We don’t control what happened, we control how we respond.
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I control. Where do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…” —Epictetus
Epictetus, drawing from his own experiences as a slave, offers a profound insight into the nature of our existence. While all humans encounter the laws of the universe, Epictetus, from the moment he was born, was consistently reminded of his lack of control, even over his own body. This realization became the foundation of his teaching—the crucial task in life is to distinguish between what is within our power and what lies beyond our control, as he called it, “ta Eph hemin, ta ouk Eph hemin.” meaning – What is up to us, what is not up to us.
Once we have categorized the world into these two distinct categories, what remains—what was vital to Epictetus’s survival as a slave—is to focus on what is within our power. Our attitudes. Our emotions. Our desires. Our opinions about the events we encounter. These choices are within our control.
Epictetus would say, “You can bind up my leg,” as his own leg had been bound and broken, “but not even Zeus has the power to break my freedom of choice.”
According to Epictetus, this is the most powerful gift we possess—the ability to always control our response. It is the essence of freedom, regardless of our circumstances. Be a lion among men and an eagle in the marketplace. Learn to manage your emotions, to transcend them. Through practicing concentration exercises and meditation, you will develop the capacity not to be swayed by them.
We all recognize that many aspects of our world lie outside our control, don’t we? The actions, behaviors, and thoughts of other people. However, if we desire happiness, success, and unwavering dedication to our dreams, we must clearly differentiate between what we can control and what we cannot. If we are wise, we will direct the majority of our attention to what we can control—our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and our responses to events.
You cannot calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass, as Timber Hawkeye wisely said.
I assure you, every one of us has good days and bad days. On the good days, we strive to remain positive and productive. On the bad days, we tend to immerse ourselves in worry, trying to predict an uncertain future. We imagine it and begin living in that imagined reality, leaving us feeling helpless and frightened.
This is because, as neuropsychologist Dr. Shannon Irvine explains, “thoughts do create your emotions.” Thoughts precede emotions, and your brain establishes connections. With enough repetition, this link becomes automatic.
Beliefs precede emotions. That is why negative thoughts lead to negative emotions.
But there is a way to overcome this. Whenever I find myself transitioning from a positive outlook to a negative one, I make a conscious effort to refocus on the most important aspect of all.
I ask myself three questions:
What is worrying me?
What is within my control?
What matters most to me, and what can I do about it?
The power of focus and attention is immense. Where we direct our attention is where our energy and efforts will follow. This is beneficial when we focus on things within our control, but it becomes detrimental when we seek to control what lies beyond our abilities.
Therefore, it is essential to cultivate the ability to focus solely on what is within our control. By doing so, our performance will improve, and we will experience a greater sense of overall well-being. Determine your desired mindset, identify the physical factors under your control, let go of those that are beyond your control, and refocus whenever necessary. If you do this consistently, distractions will gradually have less influence over you.